The Pixy and the Nerd

As I said on my “About” page, I tried my hand at blogging a few years back and abandoned the project after just a few posts.  At the time, I had a lot going on at work.  The blog was supposed to be my creative outlet, but I was too tired to care about being creative once I left the office for the day. 

Well, that’s not my whole truth. 

I have spent some time recently thinking about my truths, learning about them and embracing them.  I am trying to have the courage to let my vulnerable side to show ala the fabulous Brene Brown.  I learned about Dr. Brown via my therapist (who is equally as fabulous I’ll have you know).

But back to the truth of the failed first blog.  My entire life has been a bit of a war between the polar opposites of my soul.  I have the one who I have come to think about as my pixy soul.  My pixy soul is the creativity in me.  She is the writer, the terrible painter, the event organizer, the animal rescuer, the optimist.  She is the one with the gregarious laughter and the appreciation for how music can speak to people; the one who desires human connection and love and acceptance.  She is the one who is a little crazy.  Or maybe a lot crazy.

The other half of my soul is the nerd.  The nerd prefers order: arranges her clothes in the closet based on type, makes lists for just about everything (and fails miserably without one), matches her underwear to her shirts (when no one is going to see them!), and counts the stairs every time she climbs them.  She is the accountant who works hard and loves to make numbers match.  She obsessively checks her email, texts, and other notifications and does her best to keep those “new message” indicators at zero. 

You can see why the pixy and the nerd butt heads. 

For a good portion of my life, the nerd has taken control.  The pixy likes to buzz around her head and fly through her legs but eventually the nerd catches her, slaps some duct tape over her mouth and silences her wings.  Then the pixy will get loose and the process starts again. 

I just realized I made myself sound like a complete crazy person.  While that’s probably true, it was not my point.    

Anyway…the pixy was flitting around when I started the last blog.  The nerd shut that shit down.  The nerd knows the pixy is a little flighty (pun intended!)!  I guess what I am trying to say, in all seriousness, is that the pixy soul is so free and light that it makes the controlling nerd really nervous. 

So here I sit at the computer, trying again.  I think the pixy and the nerd actually have a lot in common.  It’s time for them to stop warring with one another and start working together.